www.dowcipy-angielskie.info

. "Can I go outside and watch the solar eclipse?" asked Rupert. "Okay," replied his father, "but don't stand too close."

Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(can): 124

. Father: Don't you think our son gets his brains from me? Mother: Probably, dear. I still have all of mine.

Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(): 112

. Young Bobby was being fitted for glasses, and his father, standing beside him, said, "Now, remember, son. Don't wear them when you're not looking at anything."

Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(bobby): 169

. "Papa, who was Hamlet?" "You birdbrain! Bring me the Bible and I'll show you who he was."

Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(papa): 95

. "Dad, do you believe in Buddha?" "Why, of course, but I think margarine is just as good."

Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(dad): 93

. "Dad, why do you write so slow?" asked Dennis. "I have to," replied his father. "I'm a slow reader."

Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(dad): 104

. Son: What is an autobiography? Father: Er, the story of an automobile.

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. Talbot and his son James were called to Mrs. Cren-shaw's classroom. "Mr. Talbot," said the teacher, "I asked James 'Who shot Abraham Lincoln?' and he said that he didn't do it!" "Well, teacher," said Talbot, "if my kid said he didn't do it he didn't do it!" Father and son left the school, and on their way home Talbot turned to the boy and asked, "Tell me, son, did you do it?" '

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. An irate father stormed into the principal's office. "I demand to know," he screamed, "why my son Winslow was given a zero on his English examination." "Now, don't get excited," said the principal. "We'll get your Winslow's English teacher in here. I'm sure she has some explanation." A few minutes later, the English teacher arrived. "Why did you give Winslow a zero on his English final?" demanded the father. "I had no choice," said the schoolmarm. "He handed in a blank paper with absolutely nothing on it." "That's no excuse," shouted the father. "You could have at least given him an 'A' for neatness!"

Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(irate): 658

. "What are you reading?" demanded the father of his seven-year-old. "A story about a cow jumping over the moon," was the reply. "Throw that book away at once," he commanded. "How many times have I told you you're too young to read science fiction?"

Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(what): 271

. At dinner, Seth said to his father, "Dad, I got into trouble at school today and it's all your fault." "How's that?" asked the master of the house. "Remember I asked you how much $500,000 was?" "Yeah, I remember." "Well, 'a helluva lot' ain't the right answer."

Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(dinner): 285

. Down at the office Bostwick boasted to one of his buddies, "My son Arthur is smarter even than Abraham Lincoln. Arthur could recite the Gettysburg Address when he was ten years old. Lincoln didn't say it till he was fifty!"

Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(at): 240

. "Honey," said Mrs. Beldon to her husband, "Lester's teacher says he ought to have an encyclopedia." "Encyclopedia, my eye!" exclaimed Beldon. "Let him walk to school like I did."

Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(honey): 197

. "Son, you sure do ask a lot of questions," said the father. "I'd like to know what would have happened if I'd asked as many questions when I was a boy." "Perhaps," said the boy, "you'd've been able to answer some of mine."

Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(son): 238

. Mrs. Filmore returned home from a business trip and asked her husband, "How did Greg do on his history exam?" "Oh, not so good," he replied. "But it wasn't his fault. They asked him about things that happened before he was born!"

Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(): 252

. "Dad," said Rickey, "what is electricity?" "Uh," replied his father, "I don't really know too much about electricity." A few minutes later the boy said, "How does gas make the engine go?" "Son, I'm afraid I don't know much about motors." "Dad," said the boy, "what is anthropology?" "Anthropology?" The father frowned. "I really don't know." "Gee, Dad, I guess I'm making a nuisance of myself." "Not at all, son. If you don't ask questions, you'll never learn anything."

Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(dad): 512

. Bentley and his wife and son were sitting at the dinner table when the boy suddenly blurted out, "Gee, you're dumb, Mom. You don't know anything." "Now, son," scolded Bentley, "you musn't be picky about your mother's little faults."

Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(and): 251

. During a flood in a small Ohio town, a young girl was perched on top of a house with a little boy. As they sat watching articles float along with the water, they noticed a baseball cap float by. Suddenly, the cap turned and came back, then turned around and went downstream. After it had gone some distance, it turned again and came back. "Do you see that baseball cap?" said the girl. "First it goes downstream, then turns around and comes back." "Oh, that's my dad," replied the boy. "This morning he said that come hell or high water, he was going to cut the grass today."

Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(a): 617

. Old-fashioned Zachary approached Lureen's father, intent upon asking him for her hand in marriage. "Sir," he blurted out, "I have an attachment for your daughter, and " "See here, young man," interrupted the parent, "when my daughter needs accessories, I'll buy them myself."

Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(fashioned): 297

. Mrs. Ellis came home from work one evening to find her three-year-old son lighting up a cigar. She raced into the kitchen where her husband was making dinner. "Hey!" she announced. "This is terrible! I just caught Matthew lighting a cigar!" "You put a stop to that right now," he shouted. "That kid is altogether too young to be playing with matches!"

Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(): 379

. Did you hear about the little boy who was named after his father ? They called him Dad !

Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków( you): 93

. Dad: Why is your January report card so bad ? Son: Well, you know how it is. Things are always marked down after Christmas !

Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(): 131

. Teddy came thundering down the stairs, much to his father's annoyance. 'Teddy,' he called, 'how many more times have I got to tell you to come down the stairs quietly? Now, go back up and come down like a civilised human being.' There was a silence, and Teddy reappeared in the front room. 'That's better,' said his father. 'Now will you always come down stairs like that?' 'Suits me,' said Teddy. 'I slid down the bannister.'

Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(came): 450

. Come here, you greedy wretch. I'll teach you to eat all your sister's birthday chocs. It's all right Dad, I know how !

Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(here): 125

. Boy: Dad, Dad, come out. My sister's fighting this ten foot gargoyle with three heads. Dad: No, I'm not coming out. She's going to have to learn to look after herself.

Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(): 176

. Father: I want to take my girl our of this terrible math class. Teacher: But she's top of the class. Father: That's why I think it must be a terrible class.

Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(): 164

. What do you call a small parent? A minimum !

Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(do): 49

. Girl: Mom, mom a monster's just bitten my foot off. Mom: Well, keep out of the kitchen, I've just washed the floor.

Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(): 121

. Father: Son at your age, Winston Churchill used be up and out for his morning walk at 5 a.m.. Son: Dad, at your age, he had become the Prime Minister of England.

Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(): 173

. Pride is what you feel when your kids net $143 from a garage sale. Panic is what you feel when you realize your car is missing.

Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(is): 133

. Father: " I know the answer to your bad grades. You're spending too much time watching television." Son: " I'm sorry, you'll have to phrase that in the form of a question."

Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(): 186

. A mother of two teenage boys, was constantly being asked to look for things they couldn't find. Most of the time these items were directly in front of them. Seeing her frustration over this when it happened yet again, one of her sons remarked: "It's not my fault, Mom. I don't have 'parental vision:"

Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(mother): 316

. Did you hear about the pig who opened a pawn shop? He called it "Ham Hocks".

Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(you): 80

. Did you hear about the pig who tried to start a hot-air balloon business? He couldn't get it off the ground. .

Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(you): 118

. Did you hear about the piglets who wanted to do something special for mother's day? What did they do? They threw a sowprize party.

Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(you): 140

. Did you hear about the pig's vacation? They had a wonderful time at Yellowstone National Park. They dressed up as bears and raided all the garbage cans.

Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(you): 160

. Did you hear about the pigs who took up motorcycling? They wanted to catch bugs with their teeth.

Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(you): 103

. Did you hear of the pig who began hiding garbage In November? She wanted to do her Christmas slopping early.

Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(you): 114

. Did you hear the story about the razorback hog? It's pretty dull.

Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(you): 71

. Do pigs like Backgammon? No, they prefer their backs scratched.

Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(pigs): 67

. Doctor, doctor, I've got a little sty. Then you'd better buy a little pig.

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. FARMER: Who raided my vegetable patch? PIGLET: Beets me!

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. FIRST PIGLET: How do you know your boyfriend loves you? SECOND PIGLET: He signs his letters with lots of hogs and kisses.

Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(piglet): 131

. Have you heard about the pig who took up disco dancing? He liked to swing his weight around.

Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(you): 96

. How can you recognize a Gnome Pig? They're the ones with the little red hats.

Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(can): 83

. How can you tell the pig is a failure as Easter bunny? By the egg on its face.

Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(can): 84

. How did the little pig win at Monopoly? He built hotels on Pork Place.

Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(did): 74

. How do you fit more pigs on your farm? Build a sty-scraper!

Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(do): 62

. How do you get your pigs to sleep at night? No problem. Everyone here goes to bed with the chickens. You must have a very large chicken house.

Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(do): 150

. How do you take a pig to hospital? By hambulance!

Prześlij na email | Liczba znaków(do): 55